I could never understand the need for being lonely. Not alone. Lonely.
One is put in a situation wherein one knows the best thing to do is to surround oneself with good company and good thoughts yet one feels antisocial.
Yes, by one, I mean me. No, this isn't some excuse for no updates or whatnot. I have a point, so please either keep reading or leave. Things have been rough. I was dumped, a friend died, I'm unhappy with my performance as a college teacher, and I need to drink to get some semblance of rest.
My co-teachers are all sweethearts, listening and dispensing advice as needed. My flat-mates are doing what they can to keep me company and keep my spirits up. Other friends have been making appearances to help me out or keep me company. People say I'm handling things well. Others think I'm (on some level) relieved.
I'm a wreck
Times like this I try to remind myself that God has His Reasons. And that I can manage this. But why oh why am I so lonely.
I wish I had something wittier to share, some funny anecdote or moral lesson to impart, but right now I'm just drowning in this. And I don't really feel like trying to swim.
Maybe that's the why right there. Maybe I have to drown in this for a while, to discover something about myself. Or maybe things just really suck sometimes. Well, three Hail Mary's and a step forward is all I can manag about now. So yeah. I was never one to promote blind faith, but right now my faith is all I have to go on.
A burger right now would be really nice. How many more days till Easter? Far too many.
my dear, dear friend
ReplyDeletehere's sending you a hug. i know i haven't seen you since... but solace is a good thing, i know. you hear me whining about it a lot of times, remember? it's the pain that goes with it that's a b*tch to wrestle with.
let's be zen for a moment and know that "in solace, one is never really alone."
ahay buhay...
bro, remember some say 8 years back i went to your place cos i had a problem and i came with a backpack full of beers and we drank on the roodtop outside your room? well i think its about time we do something like that again hahah! let me know man. ya know i'm here for you :)
ReplyDeleteoh and yes, solace is actually a wonderfull thing. learn to quiet your mind and you will hear God speaking to you.
"Come to Me all who are burdened and I will give you rest"
I find myself in a situation somewhat similar to yours...but the difference being somehow everyone around me isnt exactly trying to help.
ReplyDeleteI am a guy living in a hostel, and have few friends. Yes I too had a breakup.People say it will be ok. But thats it. Then they move their own ways. One good thing about having a family around you is like having shock absorbers in a car-when u take a beating....they take it with u and absorb the damage....
Here's praying to the lord that your problems are over. And hoping so are mine.